First Hospital Visit

As some of you may know, Madelyn was admitted to the hospital this past Sunday. It had been a wonderful morning, as Billy had the day off, and Madelyn decided she would sleep a whopping TEN hours straight. Mommy and Daddy were too happy, as you can imagine. As she was finishing her feeding, I noticed she had pulled away and had a blank stare on her face, as if she wasn't breathing. I immediately lifted her and showed her to Billy, who told me to put her over my shoulder and pat her back. Within a few seconds, she came around, blinked, and seemed to be aware of her surroundings again, but it was a such a scary feeling to see her completely unresponsive.

A similar episode occurred when Madelyn was just three weeks old, and it was also right after eating. She seemed to almost choke after spitting up with a lot of force, and had the same unresponsive, blank stare while becoming very pale. From the looks of it, we feared she may have had a seizure. After being examined by the pediatrician, he concluded it may have been her Vasovagal reflex kicking in after choking, but warned that if it occurred again, we should take her to the emergency room to have her checked out.

So, Sunday morning, although she seemed to be fine afterwards, giggling, laughing, and smiling, I knew I wouldn't rest unless we took her in to be checked out. So, with the threat of Hurricane Sandy coming, we drove into the emergency room.

I won't go into all the details, but I know every parent feels the same  in a situation like this - it's an excruciating process - from changing your little baby into a hospital gown, to watching nurses tie turnakits around her little arms and legs to try and find a vein to start an IV line, and holding her head while she receives a CT scan.

After a few hours, we had the results of the CT scan and labwork, which all came back normal...what a relief! The ER doctor still thought it was necessary to have an EEG completed, which meant we were going to be admitted for at least the night, maybe more.

Once in the room in the pediatric wing, a technician came to administer the EEG. Madelyn did such an amazing job holding still for the process, which took over half an hour. (She is fascinated by the TV at 2 months! Although I wanted to turn it off, we knew doing so would result in a much more fussy baby, and one who wouldn't be still, as was necessary for the EEG.)

We were hoping to hear the results from the EEG from the pediatric neurologist that same night, so we waited up for him, as we were told he was a "night owl". Finally, around 11:00, we were told that the neurologist would not be making it in tonight, but they would contact him in the morning.

 Sleeping in a chair in the hospital in the pediatric wing while your two month old is hooked up to a monitor with  temperamental equipment that makes the monitors beep obnoxiously and worry you every few minutes is not a fun experience - especially when she's in an unusual crib in a hospital gown and the babies on either side of your room wake throughout the night to scream their heads off at just he moment yours drifts off to sleep. Plus the nurses that come in to wake your baby to get all her vitals every few hours, and then the entire process of putting her to sleep begins again, made it one of the most awful nights.

 In the morning it became clear we'd be doing a lot of waiting around. The neurologist could not be reached, and as he had his own practice in which he is the only practitioner with his own patients to see, we knew we may be waiting around all day just to hear the results of the EEG until later that night - meaning a potentially second miserable night in the hospital.

Above all else, I just wanted to wrap my little baby up in some warm pajamas and a blanket and take her home to snuggle. I had been pretty strong the day before, but that second day sitting in the hospital while the gloomy rain poured down and the wind whizzed by, I broke down cried that I just wanted to take Madelyn home.

By mid-afternoon, Billy expressed our concerns to the nurse about waiting around all day for the neurologist, and they tried contacting him once more. Because of the hurricane, he was actually closing his office early and he would be coming to see us afterwards. I felt so relieved and hopeful for the first time in two days.

When the neurologist came, he gave us the results that Madelyn's EEG looked good. He had us describe the two episodes we witnessed and asked what made us think these were seizures. I was taken aback by his question, and I simply said, "Well I don't know what else it could be". His answer was: reflux. He said that sometimes the reactions newborns have to reflux can mimic seizures in the aspect of the blank stare and jerky body movements. Since Madelyn has had reflux issues since two weeks of age, this could account for her two episodes, especially since they both occurred after her feeding, when the chances of having reflux are higher. I immediately felt a weight lifted off my shoulders as he finished his neuro exam and explained that she looked completely neurologically normal. I even showed him a video of her in an active sleep stage in which she had erratic eye movements, and he said that it was typical newborn sleep. I was ready to go running out the door right then and there!

  However, he explained he would not be able to rule seizures out completely because he hasn't witnessed an episode. He explained that sometimes parents have more insight into their children's behavior than doctors, and if we wanted to definitively rule out seizures in the case that these episodes continue to happen, we could schedule a 24 hour EEG and an MRI. The EEG is not a procedure that can be scheduled out of the hospital, so if we wanted it done, we would have to stay there. He warned that it would probably be another day before the EEG would be able to be done because of scheduling and weather conflicts, and we would likely not be leaving the hospital until sometime Thursday. Doing further tests would give us more answers and peace of mind in the future, which I could defnitely appreciate.


In the end, we decided to take our baby home. Hearing the neurologist say that nothing we described sounded like seizures, and the fact that he told us he almost always schedules the extra tests but didn't for us, made us feel better. I just don't think I could have handled several more days of waiting around with Madelyn in the hospital room.

 Taking her home was the best feeling ever. Yesterday all day I just snuggled by the fire with my little pumpkin and loved every second. I am praying that she won't have any other episodes, and if she does, I pray they present themselves as the others and do not get worse.

As I can sometimes do, I started throwing myself a pity party in the wee hours of Monday morning in the hospital. When I woke up (if you can call it that - I never really fell asleep), my daily bible verse was waiting for me on my phone, and I knew it was a direct message for me.

 Colossians 3:15

 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Wow. I definitely felt a little kick in the butt on that one. Yes, these past two days weren't a pleasant experience, but once again, I realize that things could be A LOT worse and I MUST be thankful for what God has given to me - which is so much. For starters, he has given me the most precious bundle of joy and every time I look into that face I know she is a miracle from God, it's undeniable. My charge to myself is to stop being anxious and put my faith and trust in the Lord, who is the only one who can give me true peace.