Dear Madelyn, on your first birthday

 I have to admit it, with the pregnancy hormones AND Madelyn's first birthday approaching, I've been a COMPLETE basket case. (Let's face it - I am SO sappy, even without the pregnancy hormones, I would be a mess!) Turning one seems so monumental in my eyes, and there's just so much I want to say to our little girl as I reflect on the last amazing (and challenging) year. As every parent knows, there's simply no way to put into words the love you hold for your children, but I did my very best to write a letter to Madelyn explaining how I'm feeling as she approaches her birthday milestone. I will include it in her "12 month photobook", and I hope to write a letter to each child on every birthday, as a way to document the growth and changes they've made throughout the year.

Dear Madelyn,

I’m still amazed that a year ago, you entered our world and changed our lives forever. In the beginning, I have to admit, there were fleeting moments, (particularly at 2 a.m.), when I wasn’t always convinced this new change was necessarily a good thing. I was overwhelmed and simply didn’t know how my life was supposed to change so drastically in the blink of an eye.  However, all I had to do was look into those baby blue eyes and I knew that you were the absolute best thing that could have ever happened to me, and this change was one that in fact, I could never live without.

               At times, I revel in the surprise that a whole twelve months have passed in the blink of an eye. You are no longer the needy newborn I held in my arms for hours a day in a tight swaddle, jiggling, jostling, and shushing. Overnight, you’ve morphed into an independent toddler who has a mind of her own, and my days of rocking you to sleep in my arms are now memories of a time that, as everyone warned, would pass too quickly. The changes in you happen so subtly that it’s hard to even notice, but then, in one instant, you look into my eyes and give me a look, and I realize you are growing up. In your face I see your future – how you’ll look as a little girl, what your personality will most likely be, how your voice will sound when you finally start speaking “real” words (I will miss that baby babbling and cooing oh so much!)

               Although your first year seemed to have passed like that, it also seems hard for me to sit here and remember the years before you were a part of our family. It’s like you were always meant to be here, and, of course, you were, according to God’s plan. “How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world”. When you entered our world, you brought a newfound joy that I had never before experienced. You help me see the world in a new, beautiful light. A light that’s full of optimism and hopefulness that I feel when I look into your eyes and watch you discover the world around you.

               You have forever changed me, and I thank God every day he blessed us with such a wonderful miracle. You help me see the world differently, you challenge me to think about my choices and how I can be the best mother for you, because that’s what you deserve. You help me to constantly put others before myself, and you strengthen my faith as I trust in the Lord to protect you when I know I can’t.

               On your first birthday I want to let you know how incredibly loved you are each and every day. Your road will not always be easy, you will not always get your way (ahem...“terrible twos”), and you will not always be happy. However, you will be loved beyond measure, not only by those who surround you on a daily basis, but even more so by God. I have loved getting to know you over the past year, and am so excited to see where the future takes you as you grow and continue to change. Thank you for being you, and being ours. We love you!