31!

Today, I turn 31 - 31! 

It is surreal, and now that I am actually "in my 30's", it seems much younger than I once thought a decade ago, when I was embarking on the journey that was my 20's.

With another year under my belt, I have 365 days of new experiences that have continued to shape the person I am becoming. I say "becoming" because I now understand how fluid and ever changing our lives truly are. I decided to take a moment to do some reflection about where my journey has taken me and where I'm headed as I continue down the path as a new 31 year old (yikes!).

Although it's cliche, it is absolutely astonishing to think about how much change can occur in one year. When I think back to my birthday a year ago, I was settling into my life as a first time working mother and absolutely adoring every moment that revolved around our eight month old Miss M, having not a clue that a new member of the family would make his appearance in less than a year. Flash forward to today, and you'll find me (sometimes struggling) to settle into my role as a mother of two babes under two, while also trying to come to terms with what this means for me as a working mother, as I prepare to return to work in a few short weeks.

Becoming a mother has both added simplicity and complexity to my life. Simplicity in the sense that I now know what is important. Gone are the days when my insecurities over brand names and what I'm wearing and how I'm looking was perceived by others. I am now comfortable in my skin. I know who I am, who I want to be, and what is important to me. I don't need (ahem, should I say, I don't have time) to worry about what others think - I am a busy bee who is much more occupied with whether or not shit is going to hit the fan when my 20 month old and 3 month old decide to have breakdowns at the same time (which will, by the way, inevitably happen!) I can't worry that my toddler just spread her strawberry yogurt all over the new dress I allowed myself to splurge on for a birthday outing (true story). There are some things you just gotta let go. 

Simply put, I know that for me, my happiness lies in the beauty of my children's smiles, the beautiful infectious laughs that erupt when out playing in the yard, and the sweet snuggles in the softness of night before bedtime. Life is simply beautiful when living in the small, tender moments of our daily routine - even when it's not pretty, (which can sometimes feel like a lot of the time), life is beautiful.

That is not to say that I am completely happy with where I am in life, and to say so would be a failure in my opinion. There is always some degree of self improvement we can make. I am happy with myself and I know what is important for me, but I am also aware of  my personal goals and where I want to go in the future to better myself and make me a happier and healthier person, wife, and mother.

While life has become more simplified in these aspects, it's also become more complex as well. I find my viewpoints and perspectives changing in terms of what I've thought I have wanted my whole life. How do I come to terms with my old dreams and my new ones? How do they fit together, if at all? How do I take what is best for my family and what will help me become a happier person and reconcile the two? Do I sacrifice one for the other, or is there some way to intertwine them both? These questions build layer upon layer in complexity as I examine my new life as the matriarch of our family and how we want that family to look. 

What I want today is different from what I wanted ten years ago, five years ago, and even one year ago. As I head into my thirties and my family evolves, I am evolving with it - seeking balance, focus, and answers.

Through it all, I feel so blessed to have the fortune I have, and wouldn't have it any other way. 

Here's to 31! xoxo