30 Days of Thankfulness

I'd be lying if I said things around here had been easy lately. But truly, when is life easy? It's just not. But sometimes, it sure does seem tougher than other times. 

 It's been a struggle to make it through with a smile most days, without breaking down and crying every time someone asks me how I am feeling, or how I'm going to make it work with two small ones at home, financially or mentally, because honestly, I still have no idea.

 It's taken all my strength to drag my seven month pregnant, aching, tired body out of bed at 5:15 each morning, hit the ground running, leaving the house while it is still pitch black and before I get to see Miss M, who is still peacefully sleeping in her crib. I scramble into the classroom and go about teaching 25 first graders and try desperately to stay on top of the overwhelmingly mounting pile of demands and expectations that are placed on teachers these days, complete with managing parent volunteers, high school helpers, practicum students, reading groups, math groups, word study groups, and trying to tie in engaging, technological 21st learning century lessons with rigor and relevance. Just when I think I'm tired and the day should be done, I rush back to the car and fly home to try to muster up enough energy to enjoy the two precious hours I get to spend with my baby girl - my world - before she begins pitching a fit and is too tired to keep her eyes open and I have to fight her during the bedtime routine to get her to bed. By the time I get downstairs, I am too exhausted to think about cooking a meal for hubby and I, and I am past the starvation point anyway. I resign myself to dragging my work laptop out and my stack of papers to grade and I work on them until I've hit my breaking point, which is when I drag myself up the stairs and fall into bed just to do it again the next day, all with the impending knowledge that we have a little blessing coming to join our family in just 9 short weeks, and we don't have the time, money, resources, or energy to prepare for him, which just completely sends me over the ledge. 

... Thanks for letting me vent...

The point of my post is to say that I don't by any means feel that I am the only one with these same issues out there. I know so many others are going through exactly what I'm feeling - just making it through day to day - and to an even worse extent in many cases. 

One night when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself and was having a breakdown, my good ole' hubby said, "Steph - you need to stop and think about everything we DO have. Look at the positives." And he's right. I need to stop focusing on the anxiety and worry and stress and focus on what is going right in my life, for me and my family's sake. 

So, I am jumping on the bandwagon. I wanted to do this last year but just didn't ever get around to it, not for the whole month at least, and I'm already behind this year! I am taking a few moments to write down what I am thankful for each day in November. Not only will this force me to look at what's going right in my life, but I hope it will also give me back a few minutes of "me" time in every day, because I do love spilling my heart onto the paper and hate that I haven't had the time or energy to do so lately.

Today, I am thankful for...

A gracious, merciful God who cares about me, loves me, and has a plan for me, even when I don't know what that plan may be. In my current state of mind, God and I have been spending a lot of quality time together - mostly on my 30 minute commutes to and from work each day. I realized the other day  that I hadn't been spending a whole lot of time with him before I started getting in over my head, which made me feel sad and disappointed in my lack of focus towards a God whose focus is always on me, and he's never left my side - during the good, the bad, and the ugly. How easy it is to turn our back on him when things are going our way, but as soon as the times get rough, we cry out his name in desperation. I've been guilty of it before and I'm guilty of it now. I am so thankful; however, that our God provides for us if we are faithful towards him. One of my biggest struggles is just that - being faithful and trusting in him completely. It is so hard for me! I want to know the answers, how it's going to work, when it's going to work. I don't want to struggle. I want to have it all together for my family. But sometimes, I just don't, and I HAVE to just fully rely on God. It's something that is not easy for me. I can't just give it to God and let it go. I've tried, and I'm going to keep trying, but it's something I pray about in my daily conversations. 

Today I am just so grateful to know that he has me in the palm of his hands. He loves me and his blessings are new each day, which I tell myself as I'm hoisting my body out of bed and amble towards the shower each morning. God has never promised us that life would be easy, but he did promise us that he loves us and has a plan for us. 

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Cherishing the weekends

Now that I'm back to work, I find myself truly enjoying every moment during the weekends. Especially when the weather is as beautiful as it's been. I love this time of year - when you can feel the crisp, cool feel of fall moving in. 

Last weekend, we took full advantage of the weekend. We started by watching my cousin kill it as a kicker for our local high school football team. 

 

 

 

Miss M. did great at the game, even though we kept her up to almost 10 (eek!) She was thoroughly entertained by the beat of the marching band, the cheering of the cheerleaders, and the dancer's pom poms (oh yea, and the football team!) Of course, people watching provided most of the entertainment.

The next morning, we all enjoyed some blueberry pancakes. It wouldn't be Saturday without a special breakfast treat! 

Then, it was off to Glen Allen Day. We got to see a lot of my kiddos and Miss M. loved seeing all the festivities from the stroller. What a great festival and tradition! 

From there, we headed north to peruse the outdoorsiness that is Bass Pro Shop. Mr. B. was in heaven. We ate at their restaurant for lunch and the highlight was definitely the huge fish tank!

The next day, we enjoyed the weather outdoors at a cookout. Miss M. LOVED the big dogs that were there, although she was slightly overwhelmed by their size at first compared to little miss priss Bella, who is all of 12 pounds.

She was in such delight over the big dog that I had to share this cute video. She just couldn't get enough! 

The day we saw baby #2 for the first time

So, it's been months since we actually saw baby #2 on the ultrasound screen for the first time, but the day was so crazy, I just had to write down the story. 

Confusion began from the beginning. When calling the doctor's office to let them know I needed to schedule an appointment, they could not (nor could I) estimate exactly how far along I was. According to the calendar, I should have been at least 12 weeks along. This immediately sent me into a panic, as I quickly realized this would mean my entire first trimester had whizzed by without me even knowing baby #2 was growing each day. Because they thought I was so far along, they wanted me in for an ultrasound as soon as possible. Luckily, the day they scheduled us for an ultrasound was a day Billy happened to be off work. I had to take off work to make an ultrasound appointment in the morning at one hospital, and then a doctor's appointment across town at another hospital.

We awoke that morning ready for the day, but Billy was complaining of some stomach pains. I jokingly teased that he almost always seemed to be feeling bad on his days off (because unfortunately, a lot of times, he does.) He continued to complain and became increasingly distracted by his pain as we drove to the hospital. I, however, was not going to let anything get in the way of enjoying this wonderful day, when we would get to see our beautiful new baby on the big screen for the first time. 

In the ultrasound room, the tech surmised a guess that I was 9 weeks along. To our surprise, she was exactly right. 9 weeks and 2 days. The heartbeat of our healthy baby was 167 beats per minute, and we couldn't believe we actually saw the little peanut right there on the screen. We were definitely still in shock, considering we had just found out a few days prior. I was so relieved to find out I wasn't as far along as we had originally thought. During the ultrasound, Billy was doubled over, trying to manage his pain. I told him he needed to enjoy this moment and focus on seeing our baby for the first time.

 (I know, I know  -  I'm a wonderfully supportive wife.)

No one knew about our new arrival yet, so after the ultrasound, I got in touch with my family and asked them to join us for dinner so we could share our surprise. I had planned to arrive to dinner a few minutes late with Madelyn wearing a "Big Sister" onesie and the due date on the back. It would be a perfect reveal. 

We stopped off for some breakfast while on the road, and as we were standing in line waiting for our food, Billy made a b-line for the facilities to get sick. That's when it finally started to sink in that this wasn't just your typical stomach pain. Once we were on the road again, we stopped once more so that Billy could run into a gas station. I was feeling so sorry for him and could tell he was miserable. 

By the time we got to the hospital for our second appointment, he could barely walk. Luckily, our doctor's office is located directly behind the hospital. I told him to just drive to the doctor's office and wait for an appointment. I assured him I would be fine attending my appointment on my own. I told him I would meet him at the doctor's office when I was done. 

When I walked into the doctor's office, holding my "Oh, Baby!" folder, low and behold - who did I see? It was my Nanny, in the office for a routine appointment. She was noticeably confused to see me walk in, because Billy had told her I was at work (not wanting to ruin our new baby surprise). He didn't realize she would be so kind as to wait for him in the case he had to go to the hospital (she saw how sick he truly was when h walked in.) Within a few minutes, of course, I let the cat out of the bag (I ALWAYS do that!). I didn't have the mental capacity to come up with a story of why I had had bloodwork drawn and was holding a hospital folder with a big baby on the front, and why I was suddenly here after Billy had just said I was all the way across town at work. I think Nanny's mind was as blown as mine was, and she walked out of the waiting room with a shocked face after I insisted that I was fine to wait for Billy on my own. 

After wandering around the maze of hallways in the doctor's office, I FINALLY located Billy in a patient room, hunched over and looking awful. I knew, and so did the doctors and nurses, that it was time to head over to the hospital. Once we made the trek back over to the hospital, they informed us it would take another hour and a half before anything could really be done, because Billy had to choke down the terrible drink mixture so they could see everything moving through the scan. Poor hubby. Watching him try to sip down that awful mixture while continually throwing up was awful. It became clear that our plans for the day had been thwarted, and he was going to need some serious medical attention.

After almost two hours later, after managing to choke down the liquid, they finally took Billy back to scan him. We did a lot of waiting that day. The news came back, as we had expected, that Billy had appendicitis and would need his appendix removed immediately. 

Meanwhile, the hour was getting near for us to figure out how we were going to get Madelyn and get her home. I ran home to grab our phone chargers, because, to make matters worse, our phones were dying, I picked Miss M. up from daycare, and brought her to the hospital, where Mom met me to pick her up. While trying to communicate plans, Mom thought I had driven from work to meet Billy at the hospital. She was so confused as to why we only had one car at the hospital. After several of her probing questions, I finally let the cat out of the bag (AGAIN!) explaining that I was pregnant, had taken the day off with Billy to go to the ultrasound, and he had gotten sick while we were here. I just couldn't think of a plausible story, and at this point, I certainly didn't have the energy to make something up.

In the midst of transferring the car seat, base, and Miss M., I ran back into the hospital, but they had just taken Billy back to surgery. I had just missed him! What a day! Now it was time to wait. By now, it was nearing the 6:30 hour and I knew there was no way for me to return to work the next day, as Billy was scheduled to be released in the morning, and I had to get home to take care of Miss M. I busily began trying to secure a substitute, and began writing sub plans for the following day as I waited in the waiting room.

Surgery was complete in a matter of ten minutes. It's amazing how fast they can do these things now a days! The surgeon came out to assure me everything went great, and by 8:00, I was able to see Billy in his recovery room. 

It had been a whirlwind of a day. We had seen our baby for the first time, heard the heartbeat, gone to two hospitals, the doctor's office, the hospital again, the ER, and we were ending the day doing well in the recovery room. We were exhausted by the end but glad circumstances were able to work out the way they had. The next day we enjoyed a day of rest, relaxation, and sleep, which we desperately needed. 

And that, you see, was the day we saw baby #2 for the first time! Whew. Thanks for reading!